ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
