i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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