she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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