Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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