I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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