butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
