there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
