Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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