I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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