Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
