i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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