Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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