I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
