mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
