I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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