he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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