Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
