Dual....:-)
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
