Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
