i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
