Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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