so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
