I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
