At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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