i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
