Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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