Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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