Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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