Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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