wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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