we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.