they're staring at me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship