I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
