Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall

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(614): Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall http://tfl.nu/esl2

Replies (4) Good night (2473) Bad night (643)
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(805): View more from California

My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

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(805): My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years. http://tfl.nu/zmw5

Replies (18) Good night (3918) Bad night (800)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

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(401): So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session http://tfl.nu/9nzb

Replies (111) Good night (1357) Bad night (6943)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

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(269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4

Replies (33) Good night (6076) Bad night (910)
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(847): View more from Illinois

he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

(952): View more from Minnesota

You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

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(847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91

Replies (37) Good night (2274) Bad night (8185)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.

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(812): Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut. http://tfl.nu/c78l

Replies (3) Good night (4103) Bad night (800)
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(519): View more from Ontario

If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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(519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp

Replies (29) Good night (4242) Bad night (1391)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.

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(630): I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts. http://tfl.nu/1rjt

Replies (2) Good night (1965) Bad night (654)
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(406): View more from Montana

I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.

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(406): I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price. http://tfl.nu/xxnk

Replies (8) Good night (3331) Bad night (570)
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(425): View more from Washington

The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.

(541): View more from Oregon

Mole people?

(425): View more from Washington

Mole people

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(425): The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are. (541): Mole people? (425): Mole people http://tfl.nu/8coi

Replies (8) Good night (1408) Bad night (509)
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(806): View more from Texas

I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.

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(806): I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/q7ob

Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (443)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

That shot was terrible

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up

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(502): That shot was terrible (1-502): You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up http://tfl.nu/89cf

Replies (0) Good night (382) Bad night (687)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?

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(610): My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date? http://tfl.nu/n22z

Replies (1) Good night (598) Bad night (434)
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(773): View more from Illinois

In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month

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(773): In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month http://tfl.nu/vo21

Replies (6) Good night (1509) Bad night (363)
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(478): View more from Georgia

Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...

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(478): Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole... http://tfl.nu/urfe

Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (223)

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