i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?