At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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