My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.