Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
