i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
