Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
