Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
