hotel room ftw
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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