Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
