i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
