If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
