If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
