chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
