I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Did I show you my penis last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
3 2 1 whiskey
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
