You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
