sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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