I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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