whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
