he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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