how can u be prego again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
