there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
