Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
