God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
