One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
