dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
