why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
