I smell stomach acid.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
