i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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