You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
