At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
